Sunday, July 28, 2013

Remember how yesterday I did a dumb thing and there were no consequences?

It was miraculous, really. I'm ALWAYS having some weird crap happen to me that generally results in a jammed finger that's still sore after two months, or a rolled ankle with swelling that never goes down, or something broken I can't afford to replace, or something broken that I HAVE to somehow afford to replace, and so on. So when I accidentally threw my cell phone across the yard yesterday and it didn't break, I figured it was a freak of nature. A rare break from the world of negative consequences.

And then today, I sliced my finger open, causing blood to run everywhere. My husband had to help me with the whole peroxide/neosporin/band-aid thing because it's hard to fix up your dominate hand while it's oozing blood everywhere. 

How did I do it? Was I chopping veggies? (HAHAHAHAHA!) Training a toothy dog? Sword fighting a ninja ant? 

No. I was throwing away trash. That's right. Just compacting a little crap so that there would be room for more crap.

So, as you see, there are always consequences to doing dumb things. They might occur 24 hours later and seem unrelated, but they happen. They happen.


The horror.

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Saturday, July 27, 2013

Can you figure out what I did here?

It's rare when I do a dumb thing and it doesn't result in injury or hundreds of dollars worth of repairs. Honestly, I think the only reason the phone still works is that Husband just put out fluffy new mulch. 

After watching this, you will probably wonder how this even happened. Just keep in mind that I was recording my own video while holding a clicker and the reward ball.

Enjoy!


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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

YO!

My daughter is the sweetest/most innocent looking creature you've ever seen. Long blond hair, big blue eyes, a sprinkle of freckles across her nose... plus she's six-and-a-half- (that all-important HALF) years old and doesn't even weigh 40 pounds yet. She's a tiny little angel... an angel that has recently adopted some kind of street-speak.

It started the other day, when she came home to taunt her brother for not going to the grocery story with her.

The Girl: I got a DONUT at the grocery store. A DONUT! You would have gotten one too if you had come with us, but you didn't!

The Boy: Well, I had a donut earlier in the day. So THERE!

To which, my little angel replied, quite triumphantly:

Well, I had one earlier in the day too, which means I had TWO donuts today. BOOM!

Boom?!

We all had a good laugh over that, which encouraged her to repeat BOOM! in various ways that were significantly less funny.

Later, I shouted for her to go to brush her teeth. I was washing her thermos at the sink and she was, I thought, in the next room watching TV. In fact, she was passing through the room I was in, and she therefore scream/screeched something that was probably "I *AM* GOING TO BRUSH MY TEETH!" but, in fact, sounded like a combination of nails on a chalkboard and someone strangling a chicken.

Husband: Wow. That was really not very nice. You shouldn't shout at your mom that way.

The Girl: Hey! She shouts at me, I shout at her, yo!

This was, quite possibly, the funniest thing I have ever heard. Done in perfect street slang accent, it was simply hilarious. Of course, we burst out laughing, thereby cementing "Yo" as part of our street-talking-six-year-old's lingo.

I wonder if this will work for me too, yo?

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Monday, July 1, 2013

Times, They Are a Changin'

Today in Target, The Girl, who is six, saw a display of cameras that you can use underwater. And then she said this:

"Look, Mom! Phones you can use to take pictures underwater!"

Generation gap, much?

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